[:ru]Зачем нужно брать отвестветственность за свою жизнь?[:en]How To Take Responsibility For Your Life[:]


[:ru]Во время одного из моих тренингов по ПЭАТ, разговор зашел на тему ответственности и о том, что же мы делаем, когда помогаем клиенту избавиться от накопленного эмоционального заряда вокруг проблемы. Вопрос, который мы обсуждали был о том, что некоторые люди не готовы взять ответственность за свою жизнь, а хотят изменить кого-то другого. Тогда они приходят к коучу или процессору ПЭАТ и говорят, например: “Мой муж лежит дома на диване и не работает. Как мне на него повлиять?” Или, например: “Моя жена много ругается, а я люблю спокойную обстановку в доме. Как мне ее изменить?”

Простой факт заключается в том, что никого кроме себя мы изменить не в состоянии. Другой факт состоит в том, что когда внутренние изменения глубоко интегрируются в жизни человека через новые эмоции, мысли и действия, его окружение тоже меняется, как результат. На тренинге мы это всегда подробно обсуждаем, чтобы даже не было попыток прорабатывать эмоции или состояния друогого человека. На индивидуальных сессиях я сразу отвечаю на такие вопросы на первой встрече с человеком, объясняя, что поработать мы можем только с тем, что он хочет и может увидеть в себе, а не в другом. Можно работать со своими реакциями на действия мужа или жены, к примеру.[:en]Responsibility has an unduly bad reputation in our society. It is often mistakenly associated with blame and pointing fingers. In fact, it is a very empowering notion. Sigmund Freud said, “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.” Taking responsibility for your life is the first step for any change.

While we are thinking that someone or something else is responsible for circumstances that occurred in our lives, any progress is out of question. If I believe that something external controls how I feel, I’m giving away my power to that all-powerful something. It is literally disempowering. As long as I believe so, I will stay in a position of a victim, where anything can happen to me against my will. I can get angry because someone didn’t show up on time. I can get irritated because I had to wait in traffic for an hour. I can get upset because I work with people, who don’t understand and don’t appreciate me. There are many versions of this miserable scenario.

Even though we are used to thinking that way and rehearsed it very well, this is a position that is very far from reality and from the realization of our own power to choose any reaction to any situation. While we keep complaining and crying over spilled milk, life is quietly passing by and we keep wasting precious opportunities for growth. Opportunities for change are always there, but they assume that we are at least open for them instead of being stuck in self-pity. This is not to blame anyone, because it is a learned habit. But we can make another choice. Do we want something new or do we enjoy swimming in the ocean of complains and self-pity? I think the choice is easy! Both options are available to us at every moment in time. The question is: “What do I choose right now?”

In the book “Way of The Peaceful Warrior,” Dan Millman writes about taking responsibility for your life, “It is better for you to take responsibility for your life as it is, instead of blaming others, or circumstances, for your predicament. As your eyes open, you’ll see that your state of health, happiness, and every circumstance of your life has been, in large part, arranged by you – consciously or unconsciously.[:]

[:en]How to Restore the Balance of Giving and Receiving[:]


[:en]“To give and to receive are one in truth.” ~Lesson 108, A Course in Miracles

Have you ever felt exhausted or drained after helping someone? Do you feel chronically overworked and tired? Do you feel resentment after being asked for something? At one point or another, everyone had these feelings. The ability to create a balance of giving and receiving is the key to maintain healthy long-term relationships.

4-Step Process of Restoring the Balance of Giving and Receiving

The process below will help you to determine if you are giving too much, and if yes, to learn how to restore the balance of energy. There are 4 questions we can ask ourselves to begin re-balancing our relationships and money issues.

How Do I Know If I’m Over-Giving?

My definition of giving “too much” is when a person feels depleted or hurts himself in the process of helping someone. Resentment, anger, frustration, or despair are signals that tell me that I’m not paying attention to my own needs and over-giving.

In this article, the author Elizabeth Gilbert clearly explains the difference between over-giving and generosity by saying, “…over-giving is not quite the same thing as generosity. Generosity is neither entangling nor aggressive, because the generous person doesn’t expect anything in return. The over-giver doesn’t expect anything in return either—except to be petted and feted and praised and loved unconditionally for the rest of time…”[:]